It was so fun and relaxing to hang out in the City and go to the last two baseball games of the season. Very nice to have a mini-vacation in the middle of the week. Unfortunately I couldn’t really keep my mind off things infertility related since our good friend and her husband went with us and she’s 4 months pregnant with her first. As happy as I am for them it’s just hard sometimes to constantly be reminded about what I haven’t been able to have and might not ever have.
When I got home last night I opened my mail and had an explanation of benefits from my insurance for the ultrasound and blood work I had done right before the FET was cancelled. Just like always my insurance doesn’t cover anything infertility related so I will soon see a bill for about $300. $300 is just a drop in the bucket compared to the $50,000 plus that we have already shelled out but it really got me thinking. It’s been getting cold here in the mountains but I have a rule that I’m not going to turn on the heat until October to save money even though over the last few weeks we have been waking up to the house in the low 50’s. I probably saved $50 not turning on the heat just to get a bill for $300 for NOTHING. I haven’t bought new clothes in so long, $300 to go clothes shopping with would be so fun! My car needs a tune up and I’ve been putting that off for months, that $300 would have covered it. My husband and I work so hard but have been pinching pennies for years trying to pay for adoption and fertility treatments. So far we have nothing to show for it all except for a credit card bill that I’m still struggling to pay off. I told my dad once “with all of the money we have spent to have a baby we could have set up a great college fund for him/her” and my dad being the reasonable down to earth guy that he is said “no point having a college fund if you don’t have a kid to give it to”. Thanks Dad, but he is completely right. Financially, I am ready to give it one more try and then be done with trying. I can feel good that we really did everything we could possibly afford. Tonight I’m going to splurge and turn the heat on a few days early.